Reasons why you should stop tearing down your husband

It is every woman's dream to get married to her heart rob or that man that brings out the best in her. There is however no such thing 'AS A PERFECT MARRIAGE'! The days of courtship is totally different from actually living together as husband and wife. Many women tend to grumble that their husbands are not as fun to be with compared to when they were courting and so tear down their husbands at every slightest provocation. It's always easy to find the negative about your husband, but focusing on his good attributes is necessary for a healthy and happy marriage. 1.Speaking negatively invites more negativity. It like pouring petrol into fire, it leads to more animosity and bad blood. 2. Instead, try speaking about positive traits or do not talk at all to avoid saying hurtful words. Things will turn out fine if you appreciate the good more than complaining about the bad. I read a doctors prescription to a woman who complained that her husband had temper issues, the doctor advised that she sips a cup of water and hold it in her mouth any time her husband is upset and many weeks down the line she called to inform the doctor that his prescription was working like magic! She wanted to know how holding water in the mouth can keep her husband down..... i bet your guess is as good as mine. 3. Whether you are negative to his face or behind his back, hurtful words cause more damage than repairs. It is counter productive to continue rehashing past faults... Let by gone be by gone, move on and make the best of each day as we all have just one life to live. Way forward: 1. Try building him up as often as possible by complimenting the things he does, thank him for providing for the family, tell him you love him, tell him he is a great dad and thank him when he compliments you too. 2. Marriage takes team work and being on the same side. If you are constantly working against each other your team which is your marriage would fall apart. No sportsman will record any victory if he/she does not work in unity of purpose with team mates. 3. Work together: good and effective communication, bonding as a couple and building each other up are very necessary for a healthy marriage. Working together for solutions is a lot easier when you speak with respect and love to your husband. kindness, love and respect can go a long way in improving behaviour and learning to be a term. Avoid tearing down your husband. Find the wonderful things about him that you that you fell in love with and focus on those. This world will be more peaceful with happier marriages, relationships and homes. Yours truly, Ezinne Adelaja.

What to do when your spouse won't talk!

Couple Arguing, Disagreements, disappointments and arguments can lead to times when you just want to be in separate rooms. Seems so much easier to not even look at each other, right? Well, with communication being one of the vital keys to a successful marriage, that can’t last for long. So, if you have a spouse that doesn’t want to talk or you may be having a hard time voicing your concerns because you are just too upset, it is very important to find a way to communicate. Don’t know what to do? Here are some very successful ways to get the communication going again in your marriage. Pick one, pick two, or go with them all…..but, you will be talking again after you try these! 1. Type an Email- There have been times we also couldn’t even get a word out to each other, or could bare to even look at each other because we were so upset. But, what email does is to re-open the line of communication so that at least things can start to work through. This is also a way for both spouses to say what is on their mind in a quiet way (without the sound of yelling, mumbling, or grunts of frustrations). Emailing is also a way to type out what your thinking really fast, then go back and edit those “not so nice” words before you hit the send button. Once the line of communication is back open, email back and forth until you both are ready to schedule a time to talk about it. 2. Send a Text- Hey! This is 2015 right? We all have phones and use them religiously, so why not use what you already have? If you have something on your mind to say to your spouse and just can’t get it out to their face, a simple text could help. Remember, keep your texts respectful. You may be upset or remorseful, but voice yourself with class and dignity. Words can take seconds to say (or text), and years to heal. 3. Write a Letter- This is our absolute favorite! We have done this multiple times, through good and bad times, and it works. There is something about putting pencil to paper. It is the most personal touch you can do to re-opening the line of communication with each other. Take a piece of paper, sit in a quiet place and really think about what is bothering you or how to say your apologies. Don’t only think about your perspective, but think about the situation from the spouse’s perspective also (this creates a better letter that reflects change and maturity). Again, be wise and be respectful while writing. We want to re-open communication, not shut it back down. After you’re finished, write at the end that they can write a letter back or if they are ready, schedule a time to talk. Leave it where they can find it without you around. 4. Leave a Voicemail- A spouse not answering the phone can be so aggravating, right? Wait. Breathe. Don’t let it get the best of you, you get the best of it. Leave a voicemail. But before you do, be sure you are NOT “on edge” and extremely upset. Settle down a little first, before making this call again. If you are calling to apologize…..be sympathetic, sincere and sensitive to your spouse’s feelings. This is not always effective, but your marriage is always worth a try. 5. Post-It Notes- Quick and easy! Little notes left around the house can be effective and also romantic. “I’m Sorry for …………” or “I won’t do that again because I see how much it hurt you”……or even “You mean so much more……”, can be small ways to open up communication while adding a little love. Leave them posted on mirrors, refrigerators, closet doors, steering wheels…anywhere you know they will be found. Be creative, but also seriously considering the feelings of your spouse. 6. Give a Gift- Not always encouraged, but if this is your spouse’s love language, it could possibly work. Flowers or fruit baskets delivered to their job, or a small heart shaped pendant. Either way, gifts are always eye-catchy or most of the time accepted. Attach a small note to your gift to encourage a talk so that you can start to end any disagreement or disappointments. 7. Involve your older children - tell them you have made your spouse anger and you need them to help tell your spouse that you are very sorry. No spouse will turn the other cheek at their children's plead to make peace between daddy and mummy. Your marriage is worth every attempt to successful communication with your spouse. Let us know which way works or has worked for you! Best wishes, Ezinne Adelaja.